“Shame is so powerful. It’s the idea that we are not worthy of love and belonging,” says Caroline Vogel, spiritual director, therapist and former Episcopal priest.
“Probably 90% of people experience shame at some point in their lives. A lot of us would consider it a healthy emotion. I think the problem is it gets supersized for many of us. It doesn’t serve us well individually or in our relationships,” she observes.
Rather than succumbing to shame or feeling paralyzed by it, we can make the choice to accept something we already have available to us: God’s grace.
Self-reflection brings clarity
“[Past] traumas mess with our sense of worthiness, and that makes it so hard to allow ourselves to be in a space of vulnerability – because grace and God’s love are vulnerable, loving ourselves is vulnerable, loving other people is vulnerable.
Dive deeper
Vogel worked on her book, As Yourself, The Sacred Work of Embodying Grace, for nearly ten years as she contemplated the juxtaposition of shame and grace. In it, she shares personal experiences and tools that have helped her right-size shame so that she can love herself and live more fully in the Spirit.
A six-week study guide, along with printed and audio meditations, support readers on their journey to accept God’s love and grace.
The book is available through Upper Room Books.
“Trauma has this way of protecting us from hurt – feeling old hurt again, or getting hurt in a new way. Those protectors tend to really block us from being able to receive,” Vogel says. “Oftentimes, the places within me that have needed God’s love the most have been the hardest places to be open to that love and to love myself.”
Traumas can be large or small. Vogel explains, “A lot of things get lodged in our emotional brain, and that doesn't mean that we're thinking about them all of the time, but we likely are reacting out of them almost all of the time.”
You are worthy
God’s love is certainly much bigger than our shame. Vogel shares, “In Western culture we are so used to earning and deserving things that if we don’t feel like we can earn it or deserve it, it doesn’t even fit into the matrix of who we are or how we move in the world. Grace just really breaks that open.”
Accepting grace more freely doesn’t mean that there is no accountability for our actions.
“If grace is the engine that fuels our ability to make changes in our life, I have found that’s a much better and more productive way to create change within myself and my environment than going at it from a place of judgment, criticism, and guilt,” mentions Vogel.
Find healing in Jesus’ presence
“Our biggest healing agent is connection. It is bringing that shame in connection with our whole selves and our loving God,” Vogel suggests.
“As Jesus washed his disciples’ feet, he says, ‘The only thing I really need you to do after I go is to love each other like I have already been loving you. I’ve given you a felt sense of God’s love with my hands, my words and my being. Being in my presence is my gift to you. Now I need you to be the gift, that vessel of love. I need you to live it, don’t just go out there and talk about it.’
“I think that’s how we start to heal the shame."
“You must love your neighbor as you love yourself” – Matthew 22:39
As we accept God’s grace, we must ask if we are loving ourselves as much as we are loving others. Here are some practical ways you can invest in caring for yourself:
- Journal about your shame or trauma and hold space for it. Articulate the pain, find compassion for yourself, and ask God to help you let go. It can also be beneficial to talk to a trusted friend, partner, therapist, or spiritual director.
- Rest. Resist the urge to over-extend yourself, which often leads to frustration, anxiety, illness, and burnout. When we feel tired or drained, it’s imperative that we find time to recharge.
- Contemplate, listen for God’s voice, and make time for prayer. Being still, being quiet, and feeling our feelings are active spiritual practices that open us to reflection, healing, and connection with the Spirit.
- Move your body. Whether you go on a peaceful nature walk, attend a gentle yoga session, or something else, allowing your muscles to release tension can assist your mental and spiritual release of shame.
Working toward self-compassion can create a ripple effect in our communities because of the ways we treat each other when we are following the Sprit and focusing on love.
“If everybody is checking in with themselves and giving when they have something to give, then maybe we don't have to give when we don't have something to offer,” Vogel explains. “It’s not only trusting myself and those around me, but it’s starting to trust the interweaving of how God and the Spirit work.
“Receive God’s love and allow the breath of the Spirit to guide you forward. The more I let go of shame, the more I embrace God’s love and an ability to love myself, the more capacity I have to follow the Spirit because there’s not so much getting in the way.”
Laura Buchanan works for UMC.org at United Methodist Communications. Contact her by email.
This story was published on April 9, 2026.
